


Please Forgive Me

by RumbleFish14



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 09:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RumbleFish14/pseuds/RumbleFish14
Summary: Takes place when Derek gets kidnapped and in the hospital after with Spencer, instead of Savannah.





	Please Forgive Me

Please Forgive Me  
A Moreid One-Shot  
(set in the hospital after Derek gets tortured)

 

Spencer walked along side the stretcher, as the paramedics carried Derek to the ambulance. He never knew a few feet could feel like a million miles. But Derek was alive, he’d held on through all of it; being kidnapped, held against his will, tortured within an inch of his life. He was forced to survive alone, forced to kill the people who took him… Spencer couldn’t even imagine what that must feel like…no, he actually could because something similar had happened to him too, and he survived.

Knowing that it was him who saved Derek gave Spencer a certain amount of peace, but the fear was there along side it. He knew that if he hadn’t have went in first and shot the UnSub, that he would have killed Derek, that much was certain. And unlike his other “kills” he didn’t feel any remorse over this. They had tried to kill Derek, so he killed them, it was simple and justified.

It was all over, or the worst of it was. Spencer walked quietly along side them, periodically glancing down at Derek to make sure he was still alive. He’d touch his arm briefly to make sure his skin was still warm, studied the rise and fall of his chest, put his fingers against his wrist and felt his pulse. He had to. They were halfway to the ambulance when Derek grabbed his hand, linking their fingers together. Spencer smiled, trying not to cry right now. Derek needed him to be strong, but the warm hand in his own, that’s what got him through this.

Spencer looked down at him, repulsed by the horrific gash down the center of his chest. It repulsed him because he knew Derek would hate it, it would be a constant reminder of what happened to him, and Spencer wanted to spare him from that pain, physical and mental pain. He wouldn’t think that far ahead though, Derek needed him right now. Spencer gripped Derek’s hand, smiling because even in the throes of pain and unconsciousness, Derek still reached out for him…him, not Savannah.

They reached the ambulance and the paramedics lifted Derek inside. Spencer was still hanging onto Derek’s hand, and he had to stretch to keep the connection. He really didn’t want to let get. He needed to stay with him the entire time, so he didn’t wake up confused and alone, he knew from experience that alone time after traumatic events like this, were never good.

“Sir…” the female paramedic said softly, smiling as she looked down at his hand.

Spencer smiled tightly, then glanced down at Derek. “Can I go with him?”

“Normally I’d say yes, but we have to work on him on the way to the hospital. There is no room.”

He nodded sadly, giving Derek one last look. “I’ll wait for you at the hospital, okay?” he knew Derek could hear him, because he gripped his hand hard. Spencer smiled, feeling his eyes watering. “Please…” he looked at the woman, “take care of him.”

She put a hand on his shoulder, “don’t worry, we will.”

He nodded once more and quickly kissed the back of Derek’s hand before letting go. The woman went inside and closed the doors behind her, and the ambulance drove off, leaving him standing where it was parked, alone and useless. He sniffled, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve when he felt J.J. come up beside him.

“Hey, he’s gonna be okay Spence.” 

Spencer nodded. “I know.”

She rubbed his back. “But it still doesn’t make it any easier to leave him.”

“No, it doesn’t. I need to get to the hospital and be there for him.” Spencer looked at her, she was worried, like he was but she smiled. “Someone needs to be there for him.”

“We will all be there Spence.”

“I know…” he trailed off, but that’s not what he meant. How could he get her to understand without saying it? He just looked at her, trying to convey with his eyes what his meaning   
was. It didn’t take her long, or she already knew because she smiled again.

“I know.” She said simply. “I’ve known for awhile Spence. You better go, he’s gonna need you.”

He hugged her tightly, giving his thanks and quickly got into one of the SUVs and sped with the siren on the entire way to the hospital. He knew from the beginning that he wouldn’t be allowed to see Derek until he was cleaned up, bandaged and taken to a room, but he wasn’t thinking logically here, rationally. He wanted to see Derek right now, and almost got escorted out of the hospital because of it. They told him to calm down and wait in the waiting room.

Minutes passed by, hours…days…weeks…years….until a woman in grey scrubs came up to him. He stood quickly, very nervous, anxious to see him. “How is he?”

“He is stable, resting for the moment. The cut on his chest wasn’t deep, but it was scorched. Phosphorus was burned inside the gash and it has a high ignition point. The skin is badly burned, and he will have a scar. We cleaned it as best we could and stitched him back together. The cut on his hand also, it will heal, and he will probably need some physical therapy after, but he is lucky.”

It was like he hadn’t heard any of that…he had just watched her mouth move, but heard no sound. “But…he’s okay?”

She seemed to know he was in shock because she patted his arm. “Yes, he is okay. You can go see him now, I know you’ve been waiting a long time. Just be careful, please. He needs to heal and rest and if he gets upset…”

“He’s awake?” he asked excitedly.

She shook her head. “No, he isn’t. I don’t want to say it’s a coma but it’s similar. His body is conserving energy to heal itself, so he may be out for a while. But by some miracle he   
does wake up, just be gentle with him.”

Spencer nodded and followed her down the hall and into one of the rooms. It was quiet, dim, and very clean. She left him standing at the door and Spencer wished the curtain wasn’t pulled forward, so he could get some sort of a warning look before seeing the entire thing, some time to adjust and prepare himself. He could hear the steady beeping of   
the monitors, all good signs, everything was steady, even.

He walked to the curtain and pulled it aside. Spencer had to choke back a sob at seeing Derek laying there. He looked peaceful but quiet. Derek’s hand was bandaged, his chest also, one arm covered in cords and wires, but he was live. Spencer looked at the rise and fall of his chest like he did at the crime scene, just to assure himself that Derek was alive.

“Hey, Der…” he whispered, not wanting to disturb him…

He walked to the chair beside the bed and sat down, pulling it closer. Immediately, he took Derek’s hand in his own and put his head against it. They sat that way, for what seemed like hours and Spencer could feel his own body relaxing, his head laying on their linked hands. Derek was fine, he was going to make it. It already made it. Now Spencer just needed him to wake up.

**  
Hours later, Derek still wasn’t awake. Spencer got woken up by their team coming in and checking on them. He blushed like crazy when he woke up and realized everyone was watching him, had seen his head resting on their clasped hands. J.J. winked and he had to smile at her. They all sat with him, talked to the doctor and assured him Derek would be fine, before leaving him alone with Derek again.

Spencer sat back in the chair, thinking back to only a few days before this….

Spencer had been at home when Derek called him. It was the weekend, late at night, nearly 2 in the morning, but he was up. Sitting by his fireplace, a book and a cup of coffee to keep him company. It was one of his favorite things to do. When Derek called, he’d been surprised because of how late it was.

“Derek, is everything okay?” he asked, sitting up in bed, putting his coffee down and taking off his glasses.

“No Spencer, it’s not….nothing is okay right now…” Derek replied, slurring his words.

Spencer could tell he’d been drinking, it was obvious in his voice. “What happened?”

“It’s Savannah... she left….”

“What?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said. But she’s gone Spence, she left me.”

Spencer shook his head, he knew he didn’t like her for a reason. She came off as perfect, but she was flaky, like now. “Why did she leave, did you two fight?”

“Oh yeah, got into it good. But…” he hiccupped, “I don’t wanna talk on the phone. Can you come over for a bit?”

Spencer looked at the clock, it was late, but he couldn’t say no. “Yeah, sure. Let me get dressed and I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

“Shit, I forgot how late it was…you don’t gotta come.”

Spencer shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I was up anyways. Just put some coffee on, we need to get you undrunk.”

“No coffee kid, just alcohol.”

Derek hung up and Spencer was shaking his head at the phone. He dressed as quickly as he could, grabbed his keys and his bag and sped to Derek’s house. Savannah’s car wasn’t there and there was a light on inside. He got out and knocked. When Derek opened the door, Spencer flinched as he was pulled inside by the collar of his jacket and into Derek’s   
arms for a hug. Spencer patted his back awkwardly, he didn’t do touching very often, and only from Derek but nothing like this.

“Uh, hey man…” Spencer said, awkwardly patting his back, but Derek just held on for a little longer before letting go.

“Hey pretty boy, thanks for coming.” Derek smiled sadly and walked in.

Spencer followed behind him until they stopped in the kitchen and he could see that Derek had been drinking for a while. The counter top had shot glasses and a few beet bottles littered all over the place. When Derek took a seat at the bar, Spence went ahead and made coffee, he and Derek were both gonna need it. 

“I don’t want coffee kid.”

“Well tough, I’m not talking to you while you’re trashed.” Spencer leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Fine.”

Spencer smiled in victory. “So, you wanna tell me what’s goin on?”

Derek threw up his hands up and groaned. “Honestly, I knew this was coming Spencer. We have been fighting for awhile now. I thought buying a house with her was a good idea.   
Then when she got pregnant, I was so happy…but now…”

He swallowed thickly. He didn’t really want to hear the details. Knowing that Derek had settled down with someone, the PERFECT woman, pissed him off. “But now what?”

“She left, to go live with her sister.”

“But she’s pregnant with your child.”

“That’s what I said.”

“She can’t just decide that Derek, he belongs to both of you.” Spencer shot back, understanding why Derek was drinking himself to death.

“Well, she did. She doesn’t want to do this anymore…”

“Is it work, because you’ve been very accommodating about it. Traveling less and taking yourself out of the field.” He had too. And Spencer knew that was Derek’s favorite place to   
be, center action, helping people. Not sitting at a desk.

“I know. I guess it wasn’t enough.”

Spencer heard the raw emotion in his voice, but it was funny, he only heard it when he mentioned her being pregnant, not her actually leaving…it was an odd observation. The coffee maker stopper percolating and Spencer poured each of them a cup. When he handed it to Derek, the first thing he did was trying and put alcohol in it. Spencer snatched the bottle up and groaned.

“No you don’t, drink it how it is.”

Derek glared, “but I hate black coffee…”

Spencer chuckled. “I know, but until you’re more YOU, I’m not gonna talk with you about this.”

“Jesus Reid, just be my friend for once. Stop worrying about what’s best for me.”

“That’s what a friend does Derek, so I’m doing it. But you may say things you don’t mean when you’re under the influence.”

Derek shook his head, but picked up the mug and began to drink, crinkling his face at the taste of the bitter coffee. “Happy?”

Spencer nodded with a smile. “You never mentioned you two were fighting.”

“Didn’t want to bother anyone with it. People assume that when couples fight, it’s the guys fault for some reason.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Mind if I make an observation?”

Derek chuckled and took another drink before holding it up in the air. “Go ahead Doctor Reid, wow me.”

“Smartass,” he smiled. “I know you don’t want to be profiled, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re more upset by the fact that she left because she’s pregnant, than her actually leaving…if she wasn’t.”

Derek crinkled his brows. “Like if she wasn’t pregnant, I wouldn’t care if she left?”

Spencer nodded. “I may be wrong, but that’s what it looks like.”

Derek sighed heavily. “You’re never wrong Spencer.”

He was surprised Derek admitted that so easily. “It’s the job, huh?”

Derek shook his head no and finished his cup of coffee. “No, it’s not. Her exact words were; “it’s not the job I have a problem with Derek, it’s your co-worker…” her exact words pretty boy.”

Spencer cocked his head…so she wasn’t mad about the job, but she was mad about their team. “Please don’t tell me she is still jealous over what you have with Garcia…”

“No, it’s not her.” Derek met his eyes. “It’s you.”

He stood up straight as a board… “Uh, me?”

Derek nodded, never looking away from his eyes. “Yup, she seems to think you and I have something going on.”

“As in…?”

Derek laughed, rubbing over his face. “Yup, as in I’m cheating on her, with you.”

His eyes widened, and he did that thing where he closed his mouth, opened it and closed it again, like a fish… “Wow, I would never have guessed that… uh, why does she think that?”

He sighed. “Kid, it’s almost 4 in the morning, I haven’t slept in 24 hours, and I’m half drunk and I’ll probably have a hangover in the morning, so I’ll just get to the point. Even though we aren’t doing that, she knows I want to be.”

“Y-you what?” He stuttered, licking his lips.

“Your observation was right. I don’t care that she left, I don’t think I cared at all to be honest, I do care that she’s carrying my child and left with him. But she knew my heart wasn’t   
in it, I’ve been too focused on you to see her.”

Spencer had a feeling this entire thing was a dream. He had liked Derek for as long as he could remember, but he had no game, as Derek said on more than one occasion. People like him, didn’t get people like Derek. Spencer accepted that a long time ago and made peace with it, he could admire and dream, fantasize, to look but never touch. 

“You’re gonna have to explain this to me like I’m 5 Derek, I don’t want to misinterpret or read too much into anything so….” He knew he was rambling. Even as he continued to speak, Derek got up and walked towards him, grabbed his face and kissed him. Spencer’s eyes dilated…was this real? He put his hands on Derek’s sides, feeling how warm he was, and he knew it was real. Spencer wasn’t sure what to do aside from kiss him back, he parted his lips and Derek made himself comfortable, slipping his tongue inside his mouth.

Spencer let out a soft moan, gripping Derek’s sides so he didn’t move away as he pulled back from the kiss. He licked his lips, looking into Derek’s dark eyes. “Derek, what are you doing…”

“I’m tired of hiding it pretty boy. She’s right, I don’t want her, I never did. I want you.” 

“Are you sure…because if you’re not or cuz you’re drunk I won’t hold it against you later.” He spoke quickly.

Derek laughed, bringing Spencer in closer. “Can you hold something else against me?” he winked…

Spencer could remember that like it was yesterday. Everything he’d ever wanted, fell into his lap. He got Derek Morgan. Derek wanted him. Spencer thought after a while, Derek would change his mind about it and chase after Savannah, but he didn’t, he stayed with him the entire time and they were like any other couple…aside from the sexual stuff, that had only been 2 weeks ago and he knew he wasn’t ready for that, Derek wasn’t either.

When Derek had been taken, Savannah remined a ghost. Spencer had been on the phone with him when it happened, and he couldn’t think about how he felt, the fear was awful, but nothing compared to what happened with Derek. They searched high and low for him, within 4 hours, they found him and he had been lucky enough to shoot the man responsible for it. He was grateful for the little things.

2 days later, Derek still wasn’t awake. Spencer was getting worried, despite what the doctors said. Derek was healing, resting, but his body needed more time. In that time, Spencer had stayed. J.J. brought him clothes and he showered in the bathroom, ate the awful food the hospital served, and slept in his chair, holding Derek’s hand. It was the only thing he could do that would help, a moment away from Derek, is a moment he could wake up and be alone. He didn’t want that. He even had J.J stay with Derek so he could shower quickly. 

He’d read Derek a book, The Hobbit; his personal favorite. He’d talked to him about everything and nothing, just trying to keep himself sane. Having no one to talk to, and Derek was very silent, he hated it. He missed the deep, silky voice. So he began to sing…

Would you know my name if I wrote you a letter?  
Would you recognize my face if send you a picture?  
All the memories of me locked away inside your mind  
When you think of me do you ever shed a tear

Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave me?  
Sometimes, sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice  
Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave...  
Sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice

If you had three words to say, would they say, "please forgive me"?  
Since you walked away my days and nights are so lonely  
If you stay with me, there's no doubt I'll be alright  
I needed you back then and I still need you tonight

Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave me?  
Sometimes, sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice  
Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave...  
Sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice

My friends tell me "all wounds are healed by time"  
But every day, I know it's a lie  
Cause I'm still hurting...  
I'm still bleeding...

Why'd you leave me?  
Cause sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice  
Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave me?  
Sometimes, sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice  
Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave  
Sometimes, oh I just wanna hear your voice  
Why'd you leave me?  
Why'd you leave  
Sometimes, sometimes, I just wanna hear your voice  
Sometimes, sometimes, I just wanna... hear your voice

His voice cracked throughout the song, tears coming to his eyes. It was right, in a way, Derek had left him. And Spencer really did want to hear Derek’s voice more than anything in the world. He gripped Derek’s hand tighter, and closed his eyes, letting the sadness take him for a moment, just for a moment he could be weak, he could break down, and he did. The tears he fought to hold back, came rushing out, making his entire body shake. 

“Pretty boys shouldn’t cry….” Came a rough voice…

Spencer opened his eyes and saw the prettiest brown eyes looking at him. He cried harder, sniffling as he got up from his chair. “Der…you’re awake…”

“Why are you crying?”

Spencer laughed. “Because you’re in the hospital Derek. You really scared me…”

Derek’s eyes began to tear as he looked at Spencer crying, gripping his good hand, his other hand was bandaged. He had heard Spencer’s soothing voice singing to him and he knew he had to come back from wherever he was to get back to him. “I’m sorry Spence…please forgive me”

He hiccupped. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I was late. I was trying to get home to you…” Derek let the tears fall.

Spencer leaned down, putting forehead against Derek’s, his hands lightly gripping his face, he was trying hard not to lean on his chest, but he needed to be close to him. “It’s okay   
Der, you’re here now.”

Derek touched his cheek as much as he was able, “I will never be late for you again, I promise.”

Spencer smiled, breathing deep to calm himself down. “Just rest, I’m not going anywhere…”

Derek let his fingers slide into Spencer’s hair, gripping tightly. “I love you Spencer.”

Deep breathing didn’t work…he just started all over again with the crying. “I love you too Derek…”

“Will you marry me…” Derek asked, searching his beautiful face, trying to let Spencer see all the love he had for him.

Spencer smiled. “Yes...” and kissed him softly, feeling Derek kissing him back, their tears mingling together as they traded sweet kisses. When he pulled back, he was still crying but they were happy tears. He leaned back enough to kiss over Derek’s face, making sure not to miss anywhere. “I don’t know if you want to hear this now, but it’s important.”

“Okay..” Derek sniffled. “What is it?”

“I heard from Savannah, she wants to give you custody of Hank when he’s born.”

“Why?” he asked, linking his hand with Spencer’s. 

“I’m not sure exactly, but she has a high mantience job, and she said she wouldn’t be able to take care of him, or give him the stability or attention he needs, now that you two are no longer together…”

“So, I get him?” Derek asked hopefully. 

Spencer nodded. “Yes, you get him.”

Derek pulled Spencer in for another hug, ignoring the pain he felt in his chest. He needed to be close to Spencer, he could deal with the pain, he couldn’t deal with him leaving. “I can’t believe it, I got it both.”

“Both?” Spencer asked, wiping tears from his face.

“I got you, and I get Hank…” he said as Spencer smiled. “We, get Hank.”

“We get Hank!” Spencer repeated, smiling and crying at the same time. He could see all the happiness of the world on Derek’s face, but he could see the underlining pain too. He discretely hit the pain med button and watched Derek’s eyes get heavy. “You need to rest.”

Derek kept Spencer’s hand in his when he went to sit in the chair again. “Get up here with me.”

“No! I could hurt you.” It didn’t matter because Derek was already scooting over and pulling him onto the small bed. Spencer did his best to stay still, avoiding his chest and his hand but he laid his hand on Derek’s shoulder, linked their legs together and felt the heaviness set in. 

“I need you close to me.” Derek mumbled, sleepily.

Spencer smiled and kissed the side of his neck. “I’m not going anywhere Der.”

He sighed heavily. “Good, because I needed you back then, and I still need you tonight…”


End file.
